{"id":29736,"date":"2018-02-07T01:11:56","date_gmt":"2018-02-07T06:11:56","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/themysticalunderground.com\/?p=29736"},"modified":"2018-03-03T20:02:33","modified_gmt":"2018-03-04T01:02:33","slug":"6-reasons-why-you-should-avoid-the-news","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/themysticalunderground.com\/?p=29736","title":{"rendered":"6 Reasons Why You Should Avoid the News"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>And the first reason is Trump&#8217;s hair!<\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"Donald Trump Wig Reveal - Full Video\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/vHwOMWGAg_o?start=2&#038;feature=oembed\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share\" referrerpolicy=\"strict-origin-when-cross-origin\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p>And now, the other 5 reasons:<\/p>\n<p><strong>I want a military parade.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong>Hello, Fascism. Kim Jung Yung loves his <a href=\"https:\/\/www.rawstory.com\/2018\/02\/become-north-korean-every-day-cnns-jeffrey-toobin-slams-trumps-un-american-military-parade-order\/\">military parades<\/a>. So does Putin. So did Hitler. Every day we\u2019re more like North Korea.<\/p>\n<p>https:\/\/www.rawstory.com\/2018\/02\/trump-orders-high-ranking-pentagon-officials-hold-grand-military-parade-streets-dc\/<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m going to vomit now.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Democrats are treasonous for not clapping during my brilliant State of the Union speech.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong>Uh, Donald. Look at Obama\u2019s State of the Union speeches, beautiful pieces of oratory. Your repug counterparts didn\u2019t clap. One of them even shouted out that Obama was a liar.<\/p>\n<p>Treason, you moron, is the crime of betraying one\u2019s country, especially by attempting to kill the sovereign or overthrow the government. <strong>It\u2019s not about not clapping for you. <\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0Those shithole countries.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong>Oh, you mean the ones where the people aren\u2019t white with orange hair and don\u2019t weigh 300 pounds and spend more hours on the golf course than Obama ever did and eat McDonald\u2019s burgers and fries in bed? <em>Those<\/em> countries?<\/p>\n<p>Time to collectively gag \u2013 and then vomit.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Shut down the government.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong>Because\u2026.it makes your fictional base happy? Who constitutes your base, Donald? Oh, wait, I remember. The racists, white nationalists, gun happy idiots who really believed you would save them from the horrors of Obamacare \u2013 only to discover they ccan&#8217;t afford health insurance now.\u00a0 The ones your tax overhaul supposedly helped to the tune of $1.50 more a week (a Paul Ryan employee), and the ones who saw you as a political rogue rather than the demented, narcissistic, mentally ill man you are.<\/p>\n<p><strong>I can beat Oprah.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong>Yeah. Good luck with that, Dude, if she decides to run.<\/p>\n<p>These are just 6 reasons to avoid watching the news. Every day, this number multiplies so quickly that by next week, there may be 5000 reasons why you shouldn&#8217;t bother tuning in. Rob trump of his TV time and he[&#8216;ll wither, shrink, his hair will fly off his head, and he&#8217;ll be exposed as the naked emperor that he is.<\/p>\n<p>I can&#8217;t believe this pathetic human being is a member of the human species and prez of the U.S. I woke up in an alternative reality. So, please, can I go back into that reality where sanity stood at the helm?<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>And the first reason is Trump&#8217;s hair! And now, the other 5 reasons: I want a military parade. \u00a0Hello, Fascism. Kim Jung Yung loves his military parades. So does Putin. So did Hitler. Every day we\u2019re more like North Korea. &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/themysticalunderground.com\/?p=29736\">Continue reading <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[215],"tags":[1657,1133,1132],"class_list":["post-29736","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-synchronicity","tag-absurdities","tag-politics","tag-trump"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v28.7 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>6 Reasons Why You Should Avoid the News - Welcome to The Mystical Underground<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/themysticalunderground.com\/?p=29736\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"6 Reasons Why You Should Avoid the News - Welcome to The Mystical Underground\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"And the first reason is Trump&#8217;s hair! And now, the other 5 reasons: I want a military parade. \u00a0Hello, Fascism. Kim Jung Yung loves his military parades. So does Putin. So did Hitler. 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