We recently posted a story about Oscar the Cat, who lives in a nursing home in Rhode Island and seems to know which patients are about to die. Mike Perry commented that his mother had spent her last years in a nursing home. That commented reminded me of the last two years of my mother’s life, which she spent in an Alzheimer’s unit.
I think of that time as the dark years, watching this beautiful woman descend into a place of such blackness, her memories stolen from her, her basic abilities to feed and clothe herself gradually eroded.
There were a number of synchronicities surrounding her death in June 2000, but for some reason Mike’s comment stirred up one synchronicity in particular.
June 2000 was a hot month, the humidity so high it took your breath away. Our home had been on the market for months and we finally got an offer and were due to close and move on June 8, a day after my birthday. My mother had been moved from the Alzheimer’s unit a couple of weeks earlier when her hip disintegrated. Thanks to the Alzheimer’s, she wasn’t a candidate for hip replacement surgery because she didn’t have the mental capacity for rehab. So she was in a nursing home, on a diet of liquid morphine. She was rarely conscious and when she was, didn’t know any of us.
On June 13, we got a call from the nursing home – my mother had developed pneumonia and how did we want to deal with it? My dad, who had Parkinson’s, was living with us at the time and probably understood better than any of us what it’s like to live as a prisoner within your own body.
“Advil for the fever,” he said. “That’s it.
Rob and I concurred. Comfort measures, that was it. That evening, we all went to the nursing home to see her. In essence, we were saying good-bye and we knew it. I think that at some level, she knew it, too.
The next day, the nursing home called to tell us my mother would be moved into hospice on the 15th. I planned on going to the nursing home that afternoon to make sure the transfer proceeded smoothly. At about 4:45 PM, Rob was in his office and laid his head on his desk and shut his eyes. It had been a stressful few weeks. Suddenly, in his mind’s eye, he saw my mother waving good-bye, then she turned and walked away. A few minutes later, the nursing home called. My mother had just passed away.
These synchronicities surrounding death are common. Clocks stop, as if to say that has run out. Dreams portend death. We have a hunch, feel a certainty. Something internal prepares us. I had dreamed weeks before about her death, as had my dad. We knew it was coming. But at the moment it happened, neither my dad nor I were open to it. But Rob was and my mother reached out to him.
i do believe this. when you are close, it opens the normal boundaries.
Ah, so it was you, Natalie! I was trying to figure that out. Thanks for sending her!
Wonderful story, I found it beautiful.Thanks, Trish.
I see my dear friend Angela came to visit you both, she will LOVE it here. 😀
Thank you, I didn't take any offense.
I know that I can get a bit "wordy".
LOL!!
Vicki – didn't mean to imply there was anything wrong with a long post! Yours had such great information.
Trish, I knew my post was long (sorry) but felt the info. could help comfort you and others.
I even shortened it! Ah well!
Thank you all for these stories. They confirm and are comforting. Vicki – your long post is intriguing. Thank you for sharing all this information!
What a lovely story and how interesting to me that you chose to share this now.
At a funeral in 1987 I was contacted by the soul that had passed (I've been psychic for as long as I can remember and have had many "ghostly" interactions but this was different).
This soul was my husband's grandfather and he was 97, "Tell them how happy I am" he kept saying to me "This is wonderful!"
Since that time I have realized that the recently departed seem to find me.
I have met souls who've died from suicide, accidentally, 9/11 and old age.
One death that changed my life was the death of my best friends son. He died accidentally by his own hand and reckless stupid behavior (the death was deemed a suicide but he showed me what had happened and that he never planned to take his own life).
I have written a book about this incident and how he came to me, how this has happened before to me and how it changed the family and others to "hear" from him. I am i hoping to find someone who might want to publish it.
I had been away on vacation and thinking about all of this and in my meditations I kept getting "You must get this book finalized, it will help so many." and then I read your post and others and know I must get this out.
Every soul that has come to me has told me how happy they are, and how much they want their loved ones to know that they are ok and without pain and sorrow. The only sadness they feel is watching our pain and grief.
I have been told that often when someone passes they will find the one person who is "open", grief puts a cloud over you and it is difficult for them to penetrate that so they will find the person who isn't under such a dark cloud.
I have had loved ones ask me "why didn't I know they died?" and I respond by asking them if anything "of interest" has happened lately (often the departed will tell me)….the scent of the loved ones cologne, a favored music box suddenly playing, hearing a special nickname being called, seeing a bird or butterfly nearby (one woman constantly kept seeing cardinals and didn't put it together until she realized that her loved one just loved cardinals and now she sees one every morning, it makes a quick visit and then is on its way, it happens every morning). The deceased will usually give a sign that leaves no doubt that it is from them….my friend kept telling me she kept smelling this awful smell when she would think of her son, as we talked she realized it was the oil he would use on his body before a body builder's competition, she hated the smell of it and used to complain to him about it…now it comforts her because the only time she ever smelled it, was on him.
Many souls who have lingered such as in a nursing home situation have told me it was to help their loved ones deal with certain issues. They are usually visited by loved ones before hand. Gramps began speaking in his native Italian to deceased relatives, this upset my Mother in Law but comforted me and my husband.
I have been told that there is always someone with a soul when it passes, some are confused or very tired and they are just gently lead and shown things at their pace, but are never alone.
Even our pets are greeted. When my little terrier died I knew it was his time but still begged him to let me know he was no longer in pain…3 hours later my daughter who was about 7 said "Mommy look in the sky! It looks like an angel is holding Zachary!" I looked up and there was my sweet little Zachary with a smile on his face being carried up to heaven in the arms of an angel.
I will leave you with something every departed soul has told me, "Please tell them I love them and tell them that I am so happy!"
Wonderful story you have shared. I also really like how you perceive Alzheimer as the disease that brought her ease to die.
My aunt Noreen (the last of her Catholic family) had a fear of death, it was almost a terror because she was sure she hadn't been good-enough for heaven. There was no mental deterioration, just her body wearing out. No matter what anyone said about how awesome she had been in life and for us, Aunt Noreen would shrug and say, "but God knows what you don't."
Three days before she died, this changed dramatically and she was happy and content. She told everyone that my mom (her sister-in-law in life) had come and sat on her bed and chatted with her. My aunt was content because – she wouldn't have trusted anyone else. 🙂
Wow, wonderful story. I remember when my aunt was in the hospital and getting yet another blood transfusion. I had driven her there and while she was sleeping I "begged" my father (her beloved brother who had passed four years earlier) to send some comfort to her. They took her away for some tests, including a whirlpool bath, and when she returned she looked surprised, really surprised, and asked where my dad was? I gently explained that he had died, looking sad she said that she remembered. But to this day, I think while she was relaxed in the bath he visited her. She was just too surprised that he wasn't in the room when she returned.
M. sure was cute!
That took me back to my mother's stay in a Nursing Home. When we knew the end was near we stayed with her all day. Past midnight the matron said we should go home and get some sleep.
I felt my mum was hanging on so that we wouldn't be there when she died. She wouldn't want to distress us, which was typical of her love to me.
We left, got home in five minutes, and the phone rang. Mum had moved on.
Thank you for writing your story. I needed to release some tears.
Mike.
Angela – that's an interesting story about the mirror!
Alzheimer's is a devastating disease, but I think there's a deep spiritual component to it. It was, I think, my mother's way of exploring the afterlife before she died.
If she said – as she did on numerous occasions – that her mother or one of her sisters – all of whom she outlived – was in the room with her, I believed her. She didn't really have any concept outside of traditional religion (Catholic) for what happens after death and I think she was terrified of dying. Alzheimer's enabled her to see what she couldn't see otherwise.
Hi, what a wonderfully told story! I was sent here by my Australian blog friend (me being German) – I love this place to share such stories. My aunt Ruth told me a similar one of the moment that her husband died in Russia, during the war. They had only been married a year, but had been fighting for their love and so connected with each other. Then, the mirror in her room fell off the wall, by no outer influence, and she KNEW. Until she died 60 years later, she never got over this moment.
Yes, that's Trish's mother and Megan in the photo.
the photo – your mom and megan? – i ask because i seem to see you?
OMG – tears are running down my face – what an incredibly beautiful story – it's true – when one is not open, another is – like the door that closes but another opens – and rob was open in the truest sense – beautiful story, trish! and told so beautifully! thank you for sharing it with us!