Aftermath, a week later

The house feels empty without Nigel.

I come home from somewhere, walk in the door – and no Nigel hurrying out with a toy or his ball or a Frisbee. During any given day, I walk past spots where Nigel used to curl up or play with a toy or just flop onto his back for a belly rub, and grief wells up. His memory is everywhere.

Even when the time comes when we used to go to the dog park or our neighborhood park with him, I feel that absence, that void. Over the years, we’ve lost a lot of pets- cats, a bird, two other Goldens.  But this loss feels deeply different. It’s because Nigel was the only dog and also was the embodiment of love, that unconditional love people mention when they talk about dogs.

The photo was taken when Nigel was two or younger. Noah, the red Golden, and Nika, the black and white pooch, were his closest friends. I suspect they were also his teachers.  Nika actually was Megan’s dog,  which we found at Big Dog Ranch when Megan was young and Big Dog was much smaller than it is now. She came to live with us during Covid. Noah was adopted from Golden Retriever Rescue of South Florida, when he was perhaps a year old. The 3 Ns.

Dogs, like humans, grieve. I think they also perceive the spirits of loves ones. After Nika passed away, I sometimes noticed Nigel gazing off in one direction or another, attentive to whatever he saw. His head would be cocked in a particular way, as if he were listening to something. The same thing happened after Noah passed.

I certainly hope that Rainbow Bridge actually exists. Otherwise I’ll lodge a major complaint against – well, the universe??