We decided to start off the new year with a joke about 2012 and the end of the world. Unfortunately, all the ones we found were really lame. Probably the best was very short: “The Republican candidates for president.” Enough said.
Instead, we decided to go with a religious joke, a classic by Emo Phillips. It was voted as one the “75 Funniest Jokes of All Time” in GQ magazine (June 1999). It’s hilarious, and so right on.
Here it is.
Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, “Don’t do it!”
He said, “Nobody loves me.”
I said, “God loves you. Do you believe in God?”
He said, “Yes.”
I said, “Are you a Christian or a Jew?”
He said, “A Christian.”
I said, “Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?”
He said, “Protestant.”
I said, “Me, too! What franchise?”
He said, “Baptist.”
I said, “Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?”
He said, “Northern Baptist.”
I said, “Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?”
He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist.”
I said, “Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?” He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region.”
I said, “Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912?”
He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912.”
I said, “Die heretic!” And I pushed him over.
If you get a chance to checkout this clip;
https://www.realitysandwich.com/video/occupy2012
“Rap News”, host Robert Foster.It’s bound to put a smile on your dial.
I must say that I’m not a fan of Rap,but this clip is good.
I got this series of headline jokes from this website;
https://www.paulkavanagh.com/en/End-of-the-World-Jokes-Doomsday-Apocalypse-Mayan-2012-Joke.html
from a “2012+joke” Google search –
When the End of the World Arrives, How Will the Media Report It?
USA Today: WE’RE DEAD
The Wall Street Journal: DOW JONES PLUMMETS AS WORLD ENDS
National Enquirer: O.J. AND NICOLE, TOGETHER AGAIN
Playboy: GIRLS OF THE APOCALYPSE
Microsoft Systems Journal: APPLE LOSES MARKET SHARE
Victoria’s Secret Catalog: OUR FINAL SALE
Sports Illustrated: GAME OVER
Wired: THE LAST NEW THING
Rolling Stone: THE GRATEFUL DEAD REUNION TOUR
Readers Digest: ‘BYE
Discover Magazine: HOW WILL THE EXTINCTION OF ALL LIFE AS WE KNOW IT AFFECT THE WAY WE VIEW THE COSMOS?
TV Guide: DEATH AND DAMNATION: NIELSON RATINGS SOAR!
Lady’s Home Journal: LOSE 10 LBS BY JUDGEMENT DAY WITH OUR NEW “ARMAGEDDON” DIET!
America Online: SYSTEM TEMPORARILY DOWN. TRY CALLING BACK IN 15 MINUTES.
Inc. magazine: TEN WAYS YOU CAN PROFIT FROM THE APOCALYPSE
Microsoft’s Web Site: IF YOU DIDN’T EXPERIENCE THE RAPTURE, DOWNLOAD SOFTWARE PATCH RAPT777.EXE
Wonderful!! I esp like that one about the rapture!
Another short joke:
2012…when sh*t and fan meet each other….
Good way to start the year – by having a laugh. Also the joke sums up much about religions.