A Meditation Funny

A really big meditation cave

I’m working on a meditation book now, something to go along with the classes I teach on the subject. I’ve got a stack of related books next to my desk, but none of them, as far as I’ve seen, include any jokes about meditation.

Granted there probably aren’t too many such jokes. But over the years I’ve gathered…well, only two. I thought about one of them recently as I was writing a chapter called Mantras & Chants, and decided to include it as a sidebar near the end of the chapter. It deals with the question of proper pronunciation of Sanskrit mantras. Yes, a strange topic for a joke. But here goes…

A scholar studied Sanskrit and meditation practices for years. He became an expert. He practiced meditation daily. He chanted for hours. He read every book available on the subject and memorized passages from ancient texts. He was highly regarded, and thought he knew almost everything there was to know about the subject.

Then one day he heard about a hermit who had lived in a cave on an island for decades. He was supposedly a highly advanced meditator, knowledgeable and wise. So the scholar journeyed to the lake and hired a boatman to ferry him to the island for a day trip. When he arrived, he hiked along a trail through the jungle until he found the hermit’s cave.

The hermit was meditating in the candlelit cave when the scholar interrupted him. To his relief, the hermit seemed pleased to have a visitor and invited the scholar to join him in chanting a sacred mantra. The scholar knew this mantra very well and was happy to chant with the hermit.

However, after less than a minute of chanting, the scholar stopped and waved his hands. Horrified, he explained to the hermit that he had wasted all of his years on the island. He was mispronouncing the Sanskrit so his chants were meaningless and without power.

The hermit listened closely to the proper way to pronounce the words and thanked the scholar for correcting him. The scholar left, disappointed, and as the boatman rowed away from the island, the scholar told him how sorry he felt for the poor hermit.  Suddenly, the boatman looked up, pointed, and gasped.

The hermit was running across the surface of the water toward the boat. As he reached the craft, he again thanked the scholar and asked if he would repeat the proper pronunciation again. The astonished scholar was dumbfounded. “If you can do that, then you are doing fine.”

“Oh, but I want to improve myself. Please say the chant again.” The baffled scholar did so, and the hermit raced back to the island, reciting the chant, his feet barely dipping into the water.

* * *

The meaning behind the joke, of course, is that proper pronunciation of Sanskrit mantras is not essential. In fact, no matter how hard you try, you probably won’t get it right. Except for a mere 14,000 people who consider Sanskrit their native tongue, it’s a classical language—a dead language, like ancient Greek—mainly existing in the realm of devoted scholars and yogis.

My book isn’t completed yet, but I’m calling it:  A Jewel Within a Lotus: Meditation for Busy Minds. It no doubt will be the only meditation book on the market containing two jokes about meditation, and now you’ve already heard half of them!