I first read about the Death Café on Daz’s blog. Blogger and author Lizzy Miles, who conceived the idea, is onto something big, I think.
From Lizzy:As you may know, I am actively involved in hospice and palliative care advocacy and what keeps coming up is that people in general, and specifically Americans, are averse to thinking or talking about death. We see families at end-of-life who have never had the conversations about their wishes. Not only that, the individuals who are dying themselves have always avoided contemplating their own deaths. A Death Cafe is a pop-up event where people get together to talk about death and have tea and yummy cake. Here’s something on the history.
What I personally find so interesting about this project is that it’s long overdue. For example, the other day, we met some friends for lunch. He’s a writer, she’s a trust attorney who helped my parents set up their health care proxies and wills, and has also done the same for us. At lunch, she mentioned that her previous firm had lost our file and she, now commandeering her own firm, had some questions to ask us about our end-of-life preferences and about updates to our will.
She knew that my dad had made his death easier for us – at least in the bureaucratic sense – by putting our names on all his financial accounts. She suggested we do the same with Megan. In the U.S., this enables you to avoid endless months of haggling. My dad didn’t have any problem planning for death, but he sure had big problems talking about it. This is where Lizzy’s Death Café will prove invaluable.
Have guest speakers. Show videos like 20/20’s piece on James Lenienger, one of the best cases in the Western world on reincarnation. Acknowledge the role that synchronicity plays in the whole death scenario and its aftermath. Strive for an atmosphere of acceptance and tolerance for differing viewpoints. If the first U.S. Death Café is done right, it could very well prove to be a tipping point in the discourse about what death is – and isn’t. Novelists do it in fiction, but when it happens in the real world, in real time, in your life, while one of your loved ones is dying, well, that’s a game changer.
Hey, maybe we’ll try the second Death Café here in our repressed community. Stay tuned!
Trish,
Rob,
I do not want to be thought of as morbid, but, why not a living will registry . Some sort of civilian ( not commercial, nor funeral home directed) online end of life wishes and will repository for people like me. I would be there in a heart beat.
It would be a way that , if required, do not resciscutate wishes are honored and respected. Organ donor wishes fullfilled. A binding and legal document is created. Maybe a video with some type of watermarking to prove as an online Notary Public seal.
Be well,
Laurence
that sounds pretty rough there Lauren,, me it’s been about 6 times longer,, thankfully though all there up stairs.. On other note Robbie,, the boys coincidence for the week,, temp labor ,, tues and wedsnday,, one street over from first house lived in out here in new state “79”, backwards migth of meet or one house off ( small town of a mill) 2 more streets over is a hgih school,, certain pitching coach went there….. can we guess team….
And talking about E-books in the post below.
For those who haven’t read Lizzy’s E-book;
“Somewhere In Between: The Hokey Pokey, Chocolate Cake and The Shared Death Experience ”
https://www.amazon.com/Somewhere-Between-Chocolate-Experience-ebook/dp/B005GGGYQ2/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1315410118&sr=1-1
I highly recommend it.
At 99c,how can you lose…and you can read it on a normal computer.Amazon give you the tools for free,plus 3 free E-books.
thanks for the links, Daz!
I’ve read Lizzy’s blog and this is a great project. It will be interesting to see how this develops and if more Death Cafe’s follow. There is a definite ‘need’ – and this is usually the right ingredient for a successful venture.
It was through Mike’s blog link to Lizzy’s site that I ventured over and read her idea of the “Death Cafe” and donated to this great project.
Now I get to wear a cool t-shirt,to boot.-)
I think KICKSTARTER is a great idea.
I’m 150%+ in favor of such a cafe’. As a hospice RN, I can’t tell you how many of my patients, nearing their transitions, WANTED to talk about it with family; WANTED to talk about it with close friends; but the family and friends wanted no part of such a discussion and would cut the patient off mid-sentence and tell him or her “you’ll beat this; you’ll be fine; etc” when the patient KNEW death was imminent and they would be leaving and wanted to talk about it. Discussions of impending death are such an anathema here, and I blame traditional religion for much of that denial. People have been brainwashed by their religious beliefs to think they will go to heaven, hell, or purgatory when they die, but when I asked any of them “then what…..?” they will look at me as if I’m crazy and respond, “I don’t know……”. This is so shameful and so tragic for the patients who are on their way Elsewhere and want to talk about the upcoming Trip they will be taking. Death Cafe’. Super idea.
PS…………I’m sitting here applying for the same project as a resident artist at the Irish Museum of Modern Art, and thinking “right, me and 5,000 other people.” But maybe this synchro means I have a shot after all! Funny!
Such a fabulous idea…..kudos to Lizzy Miles! I agree entirely, as someone who has dealt for almost 4 years now with institutional care of a brother who had a stroke in 2008 and is brain dead and whose body is kept going entirely by machines. Because he left no living will, and my other brother will not even talk about disconnecting life support, his body (not his spirit) lies in a building with others like him. People who are dead, but can’t die. It’s very wrong, and exemplifies just such a need.
By the way, wanted to share a synchronicity. Last night I went to an “art salon” dinner with 6 other people I didn’t know. I went to show a power point presentation of my “Spider Woman” project, which I did with a fellowship at Midland Michigan in 2007 and 2008, and also had a residency for in 2009 in Washington, D.C.
One of the women there was from Washington, and knew the director of the Art Center where I worked in 2009. Another woman there was from Midland, Michigan.
Out of 6 people, 2 of them are from places where I did the work I was presenting! What are chances of that happening!