In the mid 20th century, it was illegal for blacks and whites to marry. Illegal. Think about that for a moment.
If you loved someone whose skin color was different than yours, you were not allowed to marry that person. You were relegated to the same shadowed black alleys where women sought illegal abortions that sometimes resulted in their deaths, and were made to feel that the love you felt for a person who simply happened to be a different color was somehow soiled. This is what the gay rights issue now is all about – civil rights.
DOMA – the Defense of Marriage Act signed into law by Bill Clinton in 1996 – established that no American state, district or territory could be required to recognize a same-sex marriage that was performed in another state. The law also laid out that the federal government does not recognize gay marriage for any purpose, ranging from issues related to immigration and joint tax filings to the issuance of federal insurance benefits and more. I’m still not clear on why Bill Clinton, hailed as a bastion of liberalism, signed this act into law.
This week the Supreme Court is hearing a day of oral argument each on the Defense of Marriage Act and Proposition 8, a California ballot measure that voters approved in November 2008. It amended the state’s constitution to define marriage as only between a man and a woman.
This whole issue strikes me as so specious that I am incensed whenever I hear something about it on the news. Why should the federal government or any state government deny gays the right to marry? To adopt children and raise families? To enjoy the same tax breaks and Social Security benefits that straight married couples enjoy? Once again, what’s really going on here is the last, dying gasps of an old paradigm that kept gays closeted for years.
My first editor, Chris Cox, who bought my first novel in 1984, was gay. He lived with Bill, who had a PhD in art history and ran one of Manhattan’s art museums. One day, Chris called and broke down sobbing: Bill had been diagnosed with AIDS. But they were hopeful, there were new drugs, he would make it, Chris said.
Bill didn’t make it. His death was slow, painful, horrific. He deteriorated in bits and pieces – bodily functions, vision, gone. Bill’s parents brought him home to Minneapolis to die and flew Chris out there from New York every weekend to be with Bill. Chris and Bill were in their mid-thirties at the time. It was the late 80s.
Bill died and Chris’s life fell apart. Within a few months, he was diagnosed with AIDS. He got to the point where he couldn’t make calls, work, do much of anything. His friend and fellow editor at Ballantine, Cheryl Woodruff, who was Rob’s editor at the time, helped with Chris’s daily life. Susan Sarandon, who Chris had known before she became SUSAN SARANDON, paid for a private nurse. In 1990, he passed on. Cheryl arranged a memorial service in New York and called to ask me to speak at his service. That he had requested it. So Rob, Megan and I flew to New York.
During this period that Chris was my editor, Rob and I had been leading tours to Colombia and the Peruvian Amazon for Avianca Airlines. Chris accompanied us on some of these tours because he wrote travel pieces for Conde Nast and other magazines. In the top photo, he’s the guy on the far right. The photo is old and I couldn’t get it any larger.
On one of these trips, he led me to this beautifully carved nomadic figure in the photo. I bought it and spoke about it as his memorial service. In my mind, his figure symbolized Chris, the intellectual nomad who took chances on unknown, unpublished writers.
Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins sat behind us at that service and she gave the opening memorial, a moving tribute to an unusual man – not a gay, white, black or Asian man, but a MAN, a HUMAN BEING whose life was cut short by a devastating disease.
So when I hear these arguments in the supreme court about a gay person’s right to marry the person they love, I go back to Chris and Bill. I go back to the late 1980s when the world lost many young and talented gay men and women to AIDS. It saddens me. Even though we’ve made strides as a nation, a people, a collective, gay marriage remains a divisive issue.
I don’t understand it. Love is love. The gender of love shouldn’t even enter into the equation. Gay or straight, black or white or green, we all deserve the same rights, across the board, coast to coast, state to state, heart to heart.

















